Many of you may have heard of Madonna Badger, but for those who haven’t let me give you a brief synopsis. She is a woman with three children living in Connecticut preparing Christmas Eve festivities with her parents. Her mother just finished baking her award-winning apple pie.
Her three girls finished decorating the Christmas tree.
Then in the middle of the night their house caught on fire, and everyone died but Madonna. As you can imagine, she lost herself in grief and because there are no grief rehabs they committed her into numerous mental institutes. She became so depressed it was a huge victory just to get out of bed to eat. One day she cried so hard and deep that it felt like she was bleeding. Of course, she wanted to die which is why they placed her in confinement, I mean wouldn’t you? Finally, she found one Dr., who was able to explain to her in terms that she could understand and was able to help her. He said, “you’re not crazy your just really sad and they don’t have rehab for grief.” He told her that because she was a mother she was spiritually connected to her children, and he explained it in scientific terms and used terminology that I’m having trouble recalling. He asked her to picture herself with an invisible cord coming from her womb to her children and another one behind her attached to her mom and dad. The cords got prematurely severed, and the connection is so strong that she still feels connected. The separation has left her as an open wound raw and bare. Most people that have gone through what she has fill that emptiness with addictions, like alcohol, drugs, sexual misconduct, smoking etc., but what that does is keep the wound raw and prevent it from healing. He advised her to sit in that rawness and experience it.
Over time, she was able to form a skin over her raw wound, and her words of wisdom are this,
* When she is full of love and happy memories she can feel the presence of her children and parents. She can hear them speak to her, and she can again feel connected and healed. If she allows anger and resentment to take control of her emotions, she loses the spiritual connection and presence of them. Love is the bond that keeps them together.
* She suggests that we don’t stress over the small stuff with our children. She recalls arguing with her kids to eat organic, missing recitals for work, fighting over homework. She would give anything to have those moments back. She reflects back asking herself, was it that important? Yes, she wanted them to eat healthy and organic, but enough to spend moments in strife? How she wishes she let those moments go and had more happy moments with them. Don’t live in regret make changes now.
* She believes we are all spiritual beings having human experiences that makes us all connected and for that we need to let others love us. It was through the compassionate love of strangers and her embracing that love is what ultimately healed her.
For her, the greatest lesson she learned through this horrific experience is we need to be there for each other when things grow dark. Being that light of Christ shining their way out of the storm. We need to allow others to love us and let go. She has recently remarried a man she calls her rock of strength. She has known him since she was nineteen years old and they are beginning a new life together. Perhaps you have words of wisdom from your experiences with grief that you can add to this list. Feel free to share in the comments below.