WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE REALIZE WE ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL?

We all experience the pains of suffering through hardships. Whether those hardships are brought on by us or lured by those we love and trust, it still is painful. At some point, after undergoing much suffering we come to the realization, we are no longer in charge. Unfortunately, for most, this takes a longer time then we want it to. Until, we reach this point, chaos and drama ensue. If we don’t keep firm boundaries to protect us, our relationships can quickly turn toxic, and we can become slaves to sin. Then we fall onto a long, hard and scary rollercoaster ride. This ride can turn into the longest ride of your life. When and how we get off depends upon us.

rollercoaster

Over the Holiday’s I was fortunate to have deep conversations with four recovering heroin addicts who gave me insights into this roller coaster ride and how to get off. When I asked the one girl how she was doing with her sobriety her response was not quite what I was expecting. I asked her about it, because it was the Holiday’s, and I know how difficult they can be for many people, especially those battling addictions. I thought talking about it might help her in some way, it turns out she may have helped me more than I, her.

She shared with me how she gets by one moment at a time. I asked her what were her bottoms that lead her to sobriety? She said, “ that was a tricky thing because, you would have thought that getting incarcerated would have been her bottom, but it wasn’t. You would have thought that giving birth in prison was her bottom, but it wasn’t. You would have thought to have her child taken from her forever, would have been her bottom, but it wasn’t. She continued, every time she reached what appeared to be her bottom she found another level of bottom. The bottom of the floor just kept moving lower as though there were a trap door.” I asked her if that were the case then what convinced her that she needed to stop? What was it that finally broke her? Her reply, “I got exhausted…. I was so sick and tired of the toxic cycle. I craved the drug and would do anything to get it, and then I would do it, and then I would need it again. It was a rollercoaster that never stopped. I finally realized my decisions were not getting me anywhere good. I could no longer trust my choices or myself; I could not be in control of my life anymore. It was only when I let go and let God take over that I was able to get off the rollercoaster a transformed person.”

Her response amazed me, I never heard someone tell it quite like that. Her brutal honesty was incredibly beautiful. On New Year’s Eve I was at a party and had a deep conversation with another recovering heroin addict, and he shared a similar story. His breaking point was exhaustion too; he couldn’t take the roller coaster any longer. The vicious, toxic cycle would exhaust him and make him sick. When he could no longer take it and gave up control to God, God healed him. He has been in sobriety now for nine years and never wants to go back. The other two men, one of them being 21 years old has the same story. What appeared to be the worst thing that could have happened to them, turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. It provided them the means to get clean and regain their faith. The 21-year-old confided the sin was killing his soul, and it was haunting him.

Isn’t this the way it is for us too, in many of our life circumstances? Maybe we don’t hop on the addiction rollercoaster, maybe a difficult person or situation throws us on a different roller coaster, and we stay there thinking we can fix things. We take control of what is not for us to control then we sit there baffled, because things are not going the way we had planned; our pride doesn’t let us, let go. The roller coaster becomes our pathway to sin. The good news is when we wake up from exhaustion and realize we have been the one driving the roller coaster out of control, and then we notice Jesus next to us waiting for us to surrender. He takes over and not only forgives us, but he heals us and remembers our sins no more.

Remembering a story of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque. After receiving a number of visions of Christ, she told her confessor about them. He suspected the visions were fabrications and gave her some discerning questions to ask the Vision in order to determine its true source. When she recounted all of Christ’s replies, he was still not convinced. He told her to go back and ask, “What sins did I confess yesterday?” She did and returned to the confessor confused. The confessor asked her, “What did he say?” She replied, “He told me he did not know your sins. He has forgotten.”

This example is what we should remember. However, horrible a sin we commit God forgives us and if we hold onto that sin not forgiving ourselves we commit another sin of pride.

forgiveness (2)

“I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25

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  1. I have been a recovering addict since I was born. My mother and father were heroin addicts and my brother and sisters are addicts. Being and addict is a roller coaster ride, many ups and downs that can’t ever be explained, until one day you can’t take it any more. You go down the hole you meet your devils and demons and then you come back out. The moment you come back out is ones moment of truth, a moment when one can choose otherwise. Make a different choice. One can continue the same self destructive journey of slowly killing themselves, because they don’t feel worthy, or they can choose otherwise. I at age 42 chose otherwise. I didn’t want to be an addict any longer. So what do I do? How do I make this change? How do I stop living a life of self destructive behaviors and become worthy.
    What I did first was admit to myself that I was a flaming addict, full blown, no more denial.
    I became a aware of my problem by educating myself by reading all I could about addiction.
    With this knowledge I made a plan and continued to learn how become addiction free. One addition at a time. What I learned in one of the books was that I could have happy addictions. One happy addiction I have done for 14 years is roller blading. I think doing a physical activity helps you tremendously because you can feel I see the results of the activity mind body and spirit. This was one way of me staying out of the hole, away from being an insane addict. Another thing I learned from reading was I was fine just they way I was. I just needed to believe this fact. ” i embraced this thought” My journey away from being an addict could only happen with goals a plan and the desire for change. I wasn’t afraid by the fact that this change had to be radical and a complete paradyme change from how I was presently living. I started reading a lot of spiritual guides to get my mind correct and to keep it correct. I always knew god was in my life, I just wasn’t acknowledging his/her presence. When I did God’s smile became present in my heart on a daily basis. As Dawns article mentioned I was no longer in control. I was very happy about this change because I didn’t do a good job without him/her.
    Today I am addiction free, 16 years after I started my journey I finally made it to the other side of the mountain. One day living addiction free was worth the long journey. I will always be a addict, but today I don’t live with addictive habits and behaviors. I have embraced my new life with a big smile every day. Yes one day at a time and one moment at a time.
    I am aware that we all have two minds one that is of god and one that is of evil. My choices every day now are of god. These choices daily give me tremendous peace and happiness.
    Most importantly I am able to join the world and connect with others freely, absent of guilt and feelings of not being worthy.
    I sustain my journey and ensure my continued growth, I continue to read and educate myself. I am reading a book now that I like so much. It speaks to me with such clarity.
    The book is called ” FLOW” What a wonderful book.
    This is my personal share.
    Thank you Dawn for your continued inspiration. I truly enjoy reading all your articles and enjoy being connected to you in this way.
    Daniel

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